A free newsletter by BJ Madewell
DIAGNOSIS ADD ADHD Now What?
Published 10th, 20th & 30th of each month
PLEASE SEE DISCLAIMER AT THE END OF THIS DOCUMENT!
CLEAN YOUR ROOM
JANUARY 10, 2003
Below are portions of responses to questions emailed to me this week.
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ABOUT HIS ROOM Usually, the problem is distractibility NOT defiance when
it comes to cleaning his room. There are so many interesting things, he gets
distracted and starts "playing" and forgets the task at hand.
Also, he no doubt needs some direction as to how to organize things in his room.
One of the BIG problems w/ ADD/ADHD is organizational problems. If you do it
with him, you can help him organize stuff. Throw away as much as possible. Get
stuff he rarely plays with, wears or uses OUT OF THE ROOM! Head for Wal-Mart and
get see through boxes with lids (a bunch of sizes) for him to put all his toys
and "needed" stuff into. Label the boxes.
Set
a timer and you BOTH clean it up together. I'd start w/ no more than 10 minutes
a day. NO MATTER WHAT do not keep working on his room after the timer goes off.
YOU LEAVE the room. Even if he begs you to help him finish the job. DON'T DO IT!
If he wants to keep working, that's OK but you only do it together until the
timer goes off. Talk aloud as you clean -- stuff like. This is really cool, I'll
put it here so Fred* can find it later. I never see Fred* playing w/ this.
I'll ask him if he wants it or not. Do not argue about what he should
keep/toss/give away. He needs to feel he's got some control over the whole
process.
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DO NOT HAVE HIM
STUDY IN HIS ROOM IF IT IS A MESS
Have a specific study time and place. Get a "study box" and keep
all needed materials in it i.e..... pencils, crayons, dictionary, ruler,
glue, notebook paper, eraser, pencil sharpener etc. At homework time, he gets
his study box-sits at the table -- sets the Timer and gets to work. I suggest no
more than a 30 minute session (depending on =Fred's age) and then TAKE A BREAK.
If homework is taking hours, you need to get his homework load reduced.
Additionally, ask his teacher if he can dictate his homework and you write it.
You will need to PROMISE to write exactly what he says and not "teach"
during homework assignments.
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ARGUMENTS - ADDers are really tough to deal with!! Family Therapy is
something you might consider. Remember to WALK AWAY and avoid confrontations. By
now, he knows how to tic you off. You have to learn to not "GO THERE".
When he flips remember that it's the ADD that is causing the problem and don't
take it personally. Realize that sometimes ADDers start arguments because
the stimulation somehow feels good (for a while anyway). Then when the situation
gets out of control, they "loose it". He needs to learn how to
calm himself down. Try Yoga or Tai Kwan Do.
You
need to be able to recognize when YOUR feelings are getting the best of you i.e.
feeling tense, starting to yell, clenching fists etc. YOU need to STOP. Say
something like "I love you too much to argue with you," and WALK AWAY.
He will probably keep baiting you but you just repeat "I love you too much
to argue with you," and WALK AWAY. Be patient. As with all changes in
behavior, the situation usually gets worse (as he tries to change you back to
arguing w/ him) before it gets better. Be patient with yourself as well as w/
Fred*.
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HMMMM what should you read? That's a really good question. I highly
recommend
Driven to Distraction --- by Hallowell as a terrific overview.
Also - on the Internet read this: http://www.pediatricneurology.com/adhd.htm
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GETTING HIM ACCOMMODATIONS. I really don't know how you can do that in the
private sector of education. You need to call your public school district and
ask them. I know the school district I work for does serve students w/ an IEP
that go to a Catholic School in the area. What we do is meet w/ the
teachers at the Catholic School and provide suggestions and furnish resources
and assist w/ IEP if needed. The child SOMETIMES is bused to the public school
for specific IEP concerns. If a child is on an IEP you at least have some
clout and a legal backing to demand accommodations. Without an IEP or 504 plan
you are out of luck even in the public school system. I can't speak to the
private sector.
================
Consider getting him
signed up for a Tai Kwan Do class -- or Yoga. Such programs can help ADDers
learn to focus, relax and get in touch with their body and feelings.
==============
Keep smiling!! Love your kids!!!
Remember .... "In the ocean of life, this is but a drop."
Hope this helps,
BJ
IT'S YOUR CHOICE
Visit some of the above sites.
Enjoy the Fred's* you live/work with. A clean room and
school work is important however
, having a good relationship w/ Fred* is MORE important!
PLEASE VISIT MY WEBSITE
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
DISCLAIMER
This information is for educational purposes only. Much of the information is from classes and workshops I've taken during my 30+ years of working with ADD & ADHD students - sprinkled with my own comments, thoughts and insights
Some information is acquired from the INTERNET. Be aware that not all information on the WWW is accurate. Use your own judgment. This information is not intended to replace information from your doctor, therapist, lawyer, psychologist, nutritionist or psychiatrist. Consult your child's (or your own) doctor for additional input.
Editor: BJ Madewell
Wichita, KS area
316-733-9532
FAX not available
Email ADDchoices@aol.com or ADDchoices@yahoo.com
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BJ
Madewell