PERFECTIONISM vs.
DOING YOUR BEST
Perfectionism can have a NEGATIVE influence on the ADDer's life, mainly because being PERFECT is not possible for any of us.
Those who live by the adage, "If it's not perfect, it's not good enough" can fall victim to becoming workaholics, procrastinators, addicted to stimulants to "get the job done right", school phobia, and hypercritical of self and others.
WORKAHOLICS - This happens to the perfectionist who must redo, rewrite, rethink every step of a task before calling it complete. The perfectionist finds himself unable to stop, evaluate and call it "the best I can do." Workaholics tend to think if they work harder and longer on a project, it will be better or PERFECT. Of course this is not necessarily true. What if Dr. Seus didn't stop writing The Cat in the Hat? If he continuously rewrote, added rhymes and so forth, we would not be able to enjoy his works. Child workaholics may be the ones who turn in papers with "zillions" of eraser marks, or late assignments due to the inability to put closure to the task. Additionally, perfectionists will sometimes not turn in an assignment because they feel is won't be perfect so, why turn it in?
PROCRASTINATORS - The perfectionist who, when faced with a task, decides "it is too hard" or "I won't be able to get it perfect" , or "I need more time to do this" may become a chronic procrastinator. As the deadline approaches, the perfectionist furiously begins the task but can rationalize any performance less than perfect by telling himself "how can I possibly do a perfect job if I simply don't have enough time?" School age procrastinators typically think to themselves "If I don't start a project, I can't possibly fail."
ADDICTED TO STIMULANTS - This Problem stems from procrastinating. While trying to complete a put-off assignment, many perfectionists find themselves pulling all night sessions to complete the task. As fatigue sets in, they reach for the coffee, tea, sodas, and over-the-counter stay-awake pills . Eventually, a "buddy" might offer something stronger than caffeine. Illegal use of amphetamines may begin.
SCHOOL PHOBIA- The perfectionist may develop full blown school phobia in order to avoid failure.
HYPERCRITICAL OF SELF AND OTHERS - A perfectionist demands perfection of himself as well as his friends, companions and spouse. This constant criticism of self and others will undermine any social relationship. Perfectionists tend to find fault with others in order to make themselves appear perfect. The perfectionist also tends to give unsolicited advice in order to "help others become more perfect."
Those who live by the adage, "I'll do my best" are able to avoid most of the above pitfalls. The trick is to know HOW to do your best.
A simplistic but usable remedy for perfectionism --> Stop using/thinking the word "perfect" and start using/thinking "my best". So instead of saying, "I want to do it perfectly," you say, "I want to do the best job I can." In almost everything you do -- your personal best is usually good enough. By not getting "my best" confused with "perfect" you will save yourself lots of time and anxiety.
IT'S YOUR CHOICE
BE AWARE that being "perfect" is not necessarily a GOOD THING. Be willing to accept your ADDer's limitations and accept "my best".
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DISCLAIMER
This information is for educational purposes only. Much of the information is from classes and workshops I've taken during my 26+ years of working with ADD & ADHD students – sprinkled
with my own comments, thoughts and insights.
Some information has been acquired from the INTERNET. Be aware that not all information on the WWW is accurate. Use your own judgment.
This information is not intended to replace information from your doctor, therapist, lawyer, psychologist, nutritionist or psychiatrist. Consult your child's (or your own) doctor for additional input.
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Editor: BJ Madewell
Wichita, KS area
316-733-9532
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BJ Madewell