Tell It Mama Time

MAY 30, 2002

Published on the 10th, 20th and 30th of each month (USUALLY)
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TELL IT MAMA TIME

I credit this "strategy" to my brilliant mother.

Mother was very wise.

I don't know if you had a "tell-it-mama-bird" at your house but my mother had one at ours. She would find out about my behavior when I wasn't with her. She miraculously knew if I got in trouble at school, made an excellent grade on something, or got in an argument with a friend. When I would ask her how she found out - Mother would invariably say, "The tell-it-mama-bird told me."

You can trust that I searched all over for that bird – wanting to convince him to stop tattling on me for the "bad stuff" and only report the "good."

Of course, Mother got her information from teachers and mothers of friends in my classes that she would talk to. However, as a child, I thoroughly believed a little bird was keeping his eye on me and keeping mother informed at the same time. Looking back, I'm sure there were numerous times I avoided potentially troublesome circumstances due to that "bird".

Apparently my mother's network didn't work as well when I went into middle school and high school. I started getting away with "unacceptable" behaviors.

Actually, I was starting to feel a bit guilty about some of the things I was doing but didn't really know how to "make the right choice" due to peer influences and the like. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a druggie or anything like that but I was cheating on tests, pilfering gum, candy and lipstick at the neighborhood convenience store, and talking on the phone late into the night without Mother's knowledge or permission.

Somewhere around 8th grade mother came up with TELL IT MAMA TIME.

Now, I don't know if this technique will work for you. I certainly have had my share of trouble implementing it with my own children aged 22 and 17 – I present it to you as a CHOICE to consider.

It sounds easy but in actuality is quite difficult.

THE RULES ARE:

The child "declares" TELL IT MAMA TIME.

The child can "tell" anything during TELL IT MAMA TIME.

Mom must listen attentively, not judge, not punish, not scold, and not EVER discuss the incident again without permission from the child. Also, the information is kept a secret between the child and parent unless the child gives permission to share it with another person.

THE PARENT CAN ONLY GIVE ADVICE.

My mother rarely found it necessary to share my "confessions" with Dad or others. She had a way of offering me advice and helping me to solve the predicament or situation I'd found myself in.

I can remember her EXACT words when she did not approve of my actions = "Are you really sure you should do that?"

Obviously, if a child tells you something horrendously dangerous, life threatening, etc., you will need to deal with that under what Mother called EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES.

I can only remember her instigating EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES few times. Once was when I was in college and I called my mom to find out what choices a pregnant acquaintance might have. This friend was from out of town and I figured my mom could help her.

Mother was able advise me on what to tell my friend. The girl was REALLY AFRAID to tell her parents about her pregnancy and mom was able to help me convince her that she HAD to tell them ASAP. Her parents were supportive and it all worked out.

Be aware that this is a POWERFUL strategy IF you can manage to follow the rules. Even to this day, I have declared TELL IT MAMA TIME in order to discuss some of my more private problems, knowing she will not "spread it around" to other family members.

IT'S YOUR CHOICE

Seriously consider setting up a TELL IT MAMA TIME with your child. It can be rewarding for both you and your child. ( It could of course be TELL IT DADDY TIME as well)

WARNING! It MIGHT backfire and could sever further communication if you don't follow the rules.

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DISCLAIMER

This information is for educational purposes only. Much of the information is from classes and workshops I’ve taken during my 30+ years of working with ADD & ADHD students – sprinkled with my own comments, thoughts and insights.

Some information has been acquired from the INTERNET. Be aware that not all information on the WWW is accurate. Use your own judgment.

Additionally, much of this information is a direct result of research done for workshops I've presented (or have been asked to present). CLICK TO SEE MY WORKSHOP OFFERINGS.

This information is not intended to replace information from your doctor, therapist, lawyer, psychologist, nutritionist or psychiatrist. Consult your child’s (or your own) doctor for additional input.

Editor: BJ Madewell

Email ADDchoices@aol.com or ADDchoices@yahoo.com

www.ADDchoices.com

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BJ Madewell